Peanutbutter Between Your Toes

It is entirely possible to be three years old and find peanutbutter between your toes.    Or purple fingernail polish on your face.  

Life gets messy.  

Not just kid messy.   I mean true, sin stained, emotionally starved, painful messy. 

The kind of messy you can’t see.   

The kind I hold deep in my heart.   The kind that comes spilling out when I least expect.   

It comes out in my impatient voice.   In my explosive tears.   My stone wall of silence.   

For me, it comes spilling out physically, too.   Triggered by stress,  my CVS episodes often attack when God’s peace is replaced by my own anxiety. 

Physically, I needed the right medicine. 

And I needed the right balance of stress in my life.   (Even “good” stressors are hard on me.)

But just as I alone could not heal my own body,  I can’t heal my own heart.  

But, I know the Great Physician.  

           And He can heal my heart.  

                              He alone puts His perfect peace in my heart.   

          He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 137:3

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The Stuff of God

Last night, Leesy kept appearing long after my bedtime….. until one time I got up to go to the bathroom and returned to find a sneaky little girl sound asleep on my pillow.   By this time, I was so awake from the numerous trips back to her room, I just couldn’t fall back asleep.

So, in the dark, and thankfully silent night, I had a choice.  I could either let my heart fill up with whatever happened to come into my mind – or I could choose to fill it up with the stuff of God.

But what is the stuff of God?

Finally, brothers, whatever is TRUE, whatever is NOBLE, whatever is RIGHT, whatever is PURE, whatever is LOVELY, whatever is ADMIRABLE–if anything is EXCELLENT or PRAISEWORTHY–think about such things.                                                                                                              Philippians 4:8

This stuff of God – all the wonderful attributes of Him – have changed my heart.   Just take the first attribute – truth.  I can choose to focus on truth instead of the garbage the Devil throws at me.

  You are not good enough.  Who do you think you are?  No one loves you. You have wasted your life. You are ugly.  You are unworthy. You are alone.

My brain gets a total make over when I think  of who I am in Him.

He is always enough.  He always cares. And He has loved me with an everlasting love.   He has made me his beautiful daughter.  And I am worthy because He is worthy.

But I also love the next part of Philippians:

Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me–put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.  Phillipians 4:9

So for peace, I get to think it and then do it.

What does doing mean to me?  Some days, it means getting my picture taken.

Mike wanted to take my picture and I wanted nothing to do with it.  I don’t need some frozen memory to remind me of the extra pounds from four pregnancies, medication weight gain, and too many cherry vanilla cokes.  Or the mamma wrinkled clothes and make-up free face.

But, if I am truly drenched in the truth that God loves me, I would not be quite so opposed to a picture.   And if my eyes would lay off myself for a moment, I could see the beautiful children that came from this mishaped, stretched out belly;  the blessing from medications that  freed me from CVS (a GI disorder) ; and precious memories caught in wrinkles of my clothes and undone face.

Granted, I should lay off the Sonic cokes.

But the truth is – I shouldn’t squirm quite so much at a photograph.  Because, no matter what I think I should see, the truth is what God sees.  And He loves me.

                       Imperfection and all.